my shirt

sarah just keeps me happily level ...

laying it down, living it out

As this year comes to a close in the not so distant future, and I reflect on what has been accomplished or remains yet undone, I find it somewhat difficult to begin anew. How much should I really change, both figuratively and literally?

This soon to be past year has presented us with many more challenges than triumphs. Some I have shared here openly, like a heart worn on a sleeve, while others remain secrets shared only among me, my husband and our God. that's ok. that's real life.

I love how Erwin Raphael McManus puts it in his book Seizing Your Divine Moment ~ Dare to Live a Life of Adventure.

Moments are as numerous as the stars in the sky and the sands in the sea, and any of them could prove to be your most significant divine moments. Within those moments, a handful will become the defining moments in your life. However mundane a moment may appear, the miraculous may wait to be unwrapped within it. You rarely know up front the eternal significance of a moment. When a moment is missed, you have a glimpse at an opportunity lost. When you dream, (and please tell me you haven't stopped dreaming) you look to a moment still to come. Yet the only moment that you must take responsibility for right now is the one in front of you.

In my homeschooling, I can choose to season each lesson with the same grace many of my teachers offered me in abundance. when a concept is particularly challenging, or someone simply, seemingly, got up on the wrong side of the bed I can choose to stay in it, and I can choose to have a happy heart, leading by example. grace instead of grouch. I can choose to be more patient in my responses to others; I can choose to simply say less.

As my oldest turns into an official teenager in a few weeks, I am compelled to take another look at the advice of Max Lucado (A Love Worth Giving).

How about adolescence? Remember the torrent of the teenage years? Remember the hormones and hemlines? The puberty and pimples? Those were tough times. Yeah, you're thinking, but you get through them. That's exactly what teenagers need to hear you say. They need an olive leaf from a survivor.

they need us laying it down and living it out.

In some ways, homeschooling is a frightening place to wander. I have not seen the outcome of a life lived radically yet, I am only in my seventh year and my children have not graduated. I can only predict with a foggy sense of clarity what I hope will be and what I trust God to bring forth. No one can tell me with absolute certainty that this "experiment" will be 100% successful and fruitful. Likewise, no one can tell me that what I am doing is destined for failure, doomed from the outset. I can choose. I can chance.

I can Dare to Live a Life of Adventure.

life really is short sometimes

with the news of my dad's cancer being gone from his lungs and my fourteenth anniversary on top of meredith's passing and the funeral, this past week has been a really emotional whirlwind. add the excitement of christmas and, on top of that, blizzard one day, rainstorm the next and blizzard again and you have one mixed up mom here.

it is only appropriate that a friend from the past found my blog and re-introduced herself and her family into our lives this weekend. we met during pre-natal classes when we were both expecting our first babies. I used to watch her daughter for her a couple of times a month and she and jonam were fast friends. God is so good. their coming over was balm for my weary soul. wendy not only brought her award winning chili, but also a big bucket of grated cheese, a platter of goodies, a gift basket of cream cheese, crackers and hot pepper sauce, and two fresh, still warm loaves of bread baked by rod himself.

makes one appreciate the friendships that come and go in life ... especially the ones that come back. maybe I do have a village after all, it's just a little more geographically spaced than I would like.

thanks rod, wendy, jessica and kyle. your timing was impeccible and your love knows no bounds. I am still finding myself suddenly welling up with fresh tears and your kindness was an unexpected piece of heaven ...

my happy/sad week

sometimes life as a homeschool mom has nothing whatsoever to do with school and all to do with home. home is certainly where I am happy to be this evening. I am sitting at the computer, trying to sort out my thoughts, waiting for Neal to come home from his work Christmas party.

I need to share some tears with him.

first, the happy week. I simply cannot let any more time go by without sharing with you my dad's incredible news. he went to see his oncologist for his regular 6 month checkup which includes the standard let's see how the 8 cm tumor in your lung is doing x-ray, only to be informed that it is GONE! all that remains is some scar tissue, which, incidentally, my mom also has since she had a bout with pneumonia a few winter's back. how many ways can I say God, You are completely awesome.

then, upon returning from my murder mystery night, I checked my e-mail to find the message I had been praying for weeks now never to find. Neal's twenty-seven year old cousin passed away, from cancer, just this afternoon. such sadness fills my understanding (or lack thereof) and it will take some time to process and mourn.

and still, how many ways can I say God, You are completely awesome.

because He IS.

when I was first homeschooled

I was remembering back, quite fondly I might add, to the year I was eight. eight remains my favourite number to this day. eight was the year I started to "get" it ... you know, that parents aren't perfect and some of your relatives are less savoury than you once believed. we went to the cottage a lot and I got to swim in lake ontario at ontario place. we went to niagara falls for family vacation and I rode the largest ferris wheel with my brother. mom has a picture of us wearing ginormous hats and goofy smiles. good times.

anyway, eight was also the year I broke my arm (just in time for christmas), got measles, mumps and rubella. I don't remember feeling terribly sick with the mumps, but I do remember my mom doing "school" with me for a couple of weeks and me skipping in the garage while she timed me. she would have been the ultimate homeschool mom ... seriously. she was always generous with the praise, loved to do the messiest of crafts, adored field trips and made the most mundane math lesson come alive.

I was remembering because sarah posted about her first "married christmas" ,yesterday. I wanted to as well, but it seems the scrapbooking craze hit about that time in my life and I have all those pictures pasted in an album already. I need to visit my parents really soon so I can scan the photo mom has of me face to face with santa claus. it is funny because it occurred in the basement of a church which was to end up being my home church until I married. at the time my parents were involved with the kinsmen and kinettes and rented the basement of this particular church out for their annual christmas party.

I suppose the best I can do for today is post a couple of nostalgic pictures of days gone by, calling it
"when it was". I personally believe everything should have a title. makes it seem like you knew what you were doing.

this was when my mummo (finnish for grandma) lived with us. late eighties. my brother is next to me. whoah, move over big permed head.

the advent wreath and christmas crackers are true ashfield must - haves.


I remember spending most of the day curling my hair until it was just so. there was the christmas production at church that evening. I also remember making a corny love book for neal, complete with poems and cut outs of things I wanted to buy him one day, or things I like (cheese, clementines and the j-crew barn jacket). turns out we found a land's end version of the barn jacket this year at value village and I finally got to give it to my sweetheart. why so mushy? it's our fourteenth anniversary on tuesday, and we have been trying to decide all week what to do this time.

and I happen to love memories ...


then there was the first christmas with neal ... I am madly in love ... and we set a ten dollar limit on gifts for that first christmas since we were both still in school and thought it was fun to be thrifty. we still do, actually, and marvel at the sum of money most people we know spend on "stuff".

The Important Book About Christmas

yesterday I decided that my kids were getting off a little too easy, especially when I consider the copious amounts of ribbing I endure at this time of year. I am not sure if bestsister even knows about this one

every year, just as soon as my birthday is over, I get out my Christmas bins (two rubbermaid beauties to be precise) and along with my ornaments, I pull out my treasury of Christmas books. I am always sure to clear a spot on the coffee table for The Important Book About Christmas.

I do believe I lost points for gluing the title on upside down. whatever.

~ for some reason, the boys make fun of said book every year. so,THIS year, I decided to display some of its glory for you. this page was a last minute, late night, "trace the cookie cutter" copy job. I tried to make it look like I had sketched it myself.
I do not consider myself to be an overly sentimental girl but this book is full of it. I think I still have the gift of exagguration and imagination. makes me good on stage. this is kind of funny to read now, especially because I can tell I made it all up. I barely even tried to keep the lines straight. can you say "last minute"?

this section went right under the mary and jesus illustration. I think I was trying to convince myself that the more words I wrote, the better I sounded.

and, just to note ... oh yah ... that's right ... wonder if I would have received an A plus if I hadn't done the dedication page in pencil.

can't wait to tell the boys that for the next two weeks, they will be creating their own Important Book About Christmas. I was in grade six when I made mine, so it is fitting that Jonam (grade 7) and Evan (grade 6) be fully indoctrinated themselves.

who said revenge wasn't sweet ... or useful?

why am I not surprised

the thrill of the stage ... the reward of a full house to motivate you to do your best acting ... this I "get". this is also why I am not the least bit surprised that today, when there is abso-smurfly nothing on the calendar for the entire day and night, my boys are still doing the SAME assignment, at 1:08 pm, that they began at 10:38 AM.

monday, monday, la la la la la la ...

only one more show to go ...

Have I ever told you how much I love my hairdresser?



Well, she has changed the fairy look, progressively, with each show, and she teases the snot out of my locks each night, promising to make me more beautiful than the night before. I think she may just have achieved fairy fantastic here
I am thinking it would be tres cool to go to hairdressing school to be able to come up with this, out of your imagination, and re-create it on a human canvas. I always thought it would have been good to have mastered a skill that I could do "on the side" while being able to accomodate my desire to stay at home with the boys and homeschool. I suppose this is akin to my writing literature curriculum and selling it.

now, if I could just finish writing that song for tomorrow night's end-of-play party ...

as the snow flies ... dress rehearsal for rump.

Well, we were quite spoiled for November as far as weather goes, but "not no more". Saturday night had Neal and I driving home from London (usually just an hour's drive) doing no more than 60 km/hour in a 90 hour zone, and facing a blizzard from out of nowhere. It was not fun but we both said the usual line "we've driven in worse" which is funny because, really, how much worse than driving snow and sleet and reduced visibility with drifts like waves and not seeing the middle line or the side lines can it get? We left London shortly before 10pm and finally made it home at 11:30pm, stiff-necked and ready for a warm bed.

Then it rained, which is just plain sloppy and kind of depressing. I figured if we got stuck driving through it, the least it could do was stay in dreamy piles so the boys could play in it (especially since we just bought all the new snow garb). Today the boys will try to get all the basics done since the rest of this week is a flurry of meetings (some extremely discontented moms in our homeschool group and the directors get to figure it all out) and rehearsals. Tonight is cue to cue, tomorrow is dress rehearsal, then Wednesday we get our first audience.

Sure wish you could all be there. It is going to be fantastic ... and I get to throw fairy dust ... that is if my dress is let out enough so I can breathe and move by then. It has certainly done much to improve all our memories (not the too tight dress, but the acting) both literally and figuratively. I cannot imagine a homeschool year that doesn't include the stage.

Perhaps I ought to be a little more forgiving of all the "regular" theatrics around here.